Taking The Personal “Touch” Out Of BDSM

A company I review toys for recently sent me this to review.  I thought it was an interesting little item, but once I got down to using it, I started thinking.  Why is it that there are so many products being made lately which take the personal touch out of BDSM, or even sex in general?

Especially for some of the more forceful types of play I am into, touch is a very important thing to me.  Using devices and being tied up is fun, yes!  It is absolutely freeing to have so many of your options taken away, and in such a vulnerable way.  When I was first interested in BDSM I had no equipment.  True you can buy so many non-kinky things in a typical grocery store, and “kink-ify” them.  I’m talking about before I did that.  When BDSM was very new (to me).  What about the first times?  In the beginning, my partners and me would use commands, hands, etc to get our point across and have a good time. 

I love receiving spankings.  Paddles, floggers, dragon’s tongue, you name it, we’ve got plenty of beating instruments.  One thing has been gnawing at me while receiving these delicious tortures lately though.  What ever happened to being tossed around like a rag doll, and feeling the weight of your hand while you beat me, again and again?  What ever happened to your hand feeling the bruises it was making AS it was making them. 

Now, I’m not saying that Master does not do those things with me.  He does.  It just makes me sad to think about the lack of physical contact that some of the toys out there are marketing.  A strap to make it easier for you to choke me with your cock?  For Heaven’s sake!  Grab my head with your hands and skull fuck me.  Is it really that much harder to fuck my throat than it is to fuck my cunt or pussy?  Do you really need a strap to make it easier? 

Call me old-fashioned, but sometimes I think some of the things we BDSMers are using are a trifle silly.  Spreader bars?  Really?  To me, spreader bars seem like training wheels for slaves/bottoms who do not yet know how wide they are supposed to spread their legs.  Worse still, you’ll have to spend $60-120 for a decent bar.  Why don’t you just tell your slave that this is the position you would like, and they are not to move?  I’m not going to lie.  I’m a flexible gal, and if I want to close my legs, even AFTER a spreader bar has been used on me, I’ll find a way to do it.  It’s just a straight bar!  You could probably just kick her legs wide apart and use a cheap piece of rope to keep her still if you’re working with an “eel” or a “struggler”.  For the record:  we do own two spreader bars.  Why?  Because Master used to train me with them.  I now know better than to try to close my legs.  I no longer need training in that respect. 

The sheer mass-produced novelty of BDSM annoys me at times.  There simply MUST be a restraint for every little position, etc, etc, etc.  I was reading online that one of my friends was annoyed because BDSM is “becoming mainstream”.  I have to disagree with that statement for a few reasons, but that is a rant for another day.  I loved BDSM before it was “popular”, I do not love it because it ostracises me from my neighbors.  I do not need to feel like a “black sheep” in order to be turned on.  Nope.  In order for me to have an orgasm, all I need is some good old fashioned humiliation, maybe some impact play or bondage, and permission.

<3

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4 thoughts on “Taking The Personal “Touch” Out Of BDSM

  1. I know what you mean with the products becoming ‘we must market everything’ I don’t think Master will ever buy space bars. Yes I am a struggler but im not quite that flexiable yet. Now i’ve gotten better though, I don’t have to be told not to struggle anymore. I think the only thing we really need is some decent bondage. Instead of using rope. But there expensive lol. The only other things we would use would be anal toys and dildos can never have enough dildos hehe. And cuffs we have a collection of cuffs going on… But no penis toys… Master is quite happy with me playing with it. :) And I also agree that BDSM is not becoming mainstream I mean my friends know that I like yaoi but if I told them I liked BDSM they would probably freak… or wouldn’t even know what it was. though they know Im kinky I have a yaoi manga collection in the bookcase hehe

    • Thanks @MomoNoHanna Yeah, as someone who reviews sex toys, I am definitely one of those people who gets to see plenty of “Um, why was this manufactured?” types of things. Lol! :)

      The struggling thing is just a preference for us. I know plenty of people who DO enjoy struggling. To each teir own. :) I’m with you 100% on the “You can never have enough dildos” thing though. ;)

  2. It can be hard to remember you don’t need all this ‘stuff’.
    in the beginning, I’d read things online and there were either horrible warnings about makeshift things like scarves or lists of ‘basics’ that cost several hundred dollars to accumulate.
    I can remember being very grateful that the only play party I ever went to was on Halloween since I’d never be able to get ‘appropriate’ clothes for any other one.

    • @Lada I (obviously) agree with you. It’s true that certain things do add a touch of fun here and there, but some things? Some things are just silly to me. ::shakes head::