Brain De-Clutter

 My Dad has Primary Progressive Aphasia, which means that he cannot talk, and it takes him a while to understand what you tell him.  He can barely talk back, but he does his best to tell you what he wants by playing “charades” almost.  He acts out what he wants or thinks should happen, and I honestly don’t have an issue understanding him.  He is impressively active (he spent a month in the Himalayas), and he hikes ALL the time.  It has been very hard for us all to deal with (much harder on my father for sure though!).  I’m so many miles away from him right now, and he can’t talk to me on the phone.  I use my web cam to make faces at him, and “chat” that way, but it isn’t the same as hearing the sound of his voice.  My mother, who lives with him, has been feeling very alone since she has no one to talk to.  I call her at least a couple of times per week, but she is still not feeling so well.

A few weeks ago, my father lost his job.  He had worked there for over 12 years, and they did not want to let him go.  He was only working part time, and he will never work again.  He cannot learn without someone being very, very patient with him, and there is just no way.  Right now, my father is on unemployment, but will soon be on disability. 

My mother called me up yesterday.  She is so depressed right now that she doesn’t see the point of getting dressed everyday.  She gets up in the morning, and most of the time gets out of bed, though she doesn’t want to.  This is not my mother.  My mother is the type of woman who would get dressed to make sure that if the mail man knocked on her door she would look “put together”.  She doesn’t even clean the house.  It just makes me so sad to be so far away and know that there’s not a mother fucking thing that I can do.  I’m been depressed before, and honestly – if she wants out, she’s going to have to start doing a couple things for herself.  I do not mean to imply that depression is something you snap out of.  (I do NOT think it is).  She has to want to get better though.  I do not think she does.  I’ve tried suggesting she see a counsellor or volunteer 5-10 hours of her time outside the house once per week.  She refuses to listen to any suggestions I (or anyone she knows) tries to make.  There’s nothing anyone can do until she’s willing to ask for help.  But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

My knee is still not right.  The bruising is almost faded, but it doesn’t feel good to walk on.  Not at all.  We have been trying to call the doctor’s office all week to get in to see the doctor this weekend, but to no avail.  The line is always busy, or we get through and are able to leave a message but have heard nothing back.  Wonderful.  Having to run all these errands to get ready for our trip in ten days is getting to me.  It’s not great for my knee, but there’s not really a damned thing I can do.  Just put my knee strap on it and try to move on.  I haven’t exercised in almost a week.  Exercise is one way I manage stress and without it, I just feel bogged down and frustrated with everything that is happening. 

Master and me are going to go out tonight, and I really badly need the break from the world for a bit.  We are both pretty big Harry Potter fans, so on Monday we purchased tickets to see it tonight.  I’m dressing up a bit, but nothing major.  I have some Gryffindor socks, mary jane shoes, and a short black skirt I’m pairing with a cloak and tee shirt.  I sewed Apple Pig a House Elf costume too. :)  We’re going to take some pictures tonight, so I’m sure we’ll post them on here in a day or two.  We’re going out for dinner too, so I’m looking forward to just being able to relax and have some fun.

Tomorrow is Master’s blood test to check up on his diabetes.  We are both a bit nervous. For the most part, we’re pretty happy with how his progress is going.  No matter what happens I will be so proud of how hard he is working at getting well again. <3  I honestly don’t know how I’d deal with stress at all if it wasn’t for Master.  He is always making me smile, laugh, and cum hard.  Not usually in that order. <3  I had another plan for today’s blog post, but kind of wanted to get this all off of my chest.  Happier blogs on the way soon.

Mew.  =^.^=

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7 thoughts on “Brain De-Clutter

  1. Bless you hun, sending loves and hugs and kitty treats your way :)
    Hope the night out together does you the world of good :) xxx

  2. *huggles*

    I totally agree with your sentiments on depression. It blows chucks, sucks majorly and is horrible, on everybody involved. However, you’re so right, in my opinion; the person who is depressed has to want help first, before anything can happen.

  3. (((Faete))) I’m so sorry to hear about your mother sweetie, but your right, she won’t be able to pick herself up until she’s ready to move forward. Hopefully your visit with her will help rejuventate her and see there is still things worth living for.

    Hope you have fun at Harry Potter; I’m going to see it tomorrow. Hope Apple Pig doesn’t cause any problems at the theater ;-)

  4. ((Hugs))
    I don’t know if you’ve looked at ATmac.org but if you do there are some links to AAC programs that will run on an iPod Touch or iPad. (Often that’s cheaper than a specialized AAC device.) http://atmac.org/ipadiphoneipod-touch-aac-apps-rundown

    Not that I have any notion that using AAC (adaptive augmented communication iirc) would fix everything and honestly speech therapy probably (hopefully) tried to set up the best that was available at the time that ins could cover.

    Depression sucks. It does feed itself in my experience. My Dad deals with it too. No matter what anyone suggests to him, it doesn’t work or doesn’t work fast enough. So, I feel for you and your Mom.

    Damn, I did a quick search to try to find a support group online and I’m just not finding a good match. No wonder this is so hard. :( There are lots of general caregiver resources out there. Caregiving is hard work.

    I wonder why your doc’s office has gone haywire it seems. I hope you can get in to be seen. Having your primary stress relief method taken away sucks.

    I hope the lab went well.