On Saturday it was really nice outside. The weather was warm, 76 degrees or so, and we decided to relax on the porch for a bit. Master told me to get my tigersquash blanket and he let me have one of the Cadbury creme eggs he got me a week or so ago. I was feeling playful, and mewed and rolled around like a kitty for him. It was nice.
A bit later, we had to run out to get one thing for Sunday dinner which we had forgotten to pick up. While we were out, Master confessed that he really wanted a burger from Five Guys Burgers And Fries. I said I didn’t mind going to pick up a burger for him. Mostly, I was trying to be encouraging, because I knew he was feeling a bit guilty about having a burger from there two days in a row. I really didn’t think it was a big deal though, so after we got our last ingredient we popped over to Five Guys.
This trip was for Master, I wasn’t getting a burger, though I was told that I could have some fries if I wanted. (They give you a rediculous amount there). We ordered Master’s burger and fries, and they gave us our cup for his drink. We had been to Five Guys the previous day, and Master had me pick a table and get peanuts for him. That day I had mistakenly thought he would want me to do the same thing, so I picked up some peanuts and chose a table. Once I got the table I saw him across the restaurant look at me (somewhat panicked) and then come over to the table with his drink.
He told me that he couldn’t believe I had gone off without telling him. He wasn’t angry, but he said that since he was just getting a meal for himself that day, that he wanted me to get his drink, and he was worried when he turned around and I wasn’t there. Oops. I felt terrible. I hadn’t meant to wander off or do something I wasn’t supposed to. I had thought I was helping. Master told me that he decided to institute a new rule. When we’re in restaurants I am not allowed to go anywhere without his say-so. (I never go anywhere without his say-so when we’re in public usually. I guess I get a bit lax about asking for permission to do things when I’m in a restaurant though, since it’s an enclosed space.)
Somehow, though Master reiterated that he wasn’t angry, I felt like I had failed at something. For me, I have a hard time with new rules, because they usually mean I did something wrong. Doing things wrong feels horrible to me. I hate the way Master looks at me when I’ve been bad, or disobedient, or even if I just did something wrong by accident. I love being hit, but never in anger. That’s why being good is so important to me. I can bear anything he wants me to bear, but the look in his eyes when I’ve done something he didn’t want me to do is the biggest agony I’ve ever experienced.
True, no real harm was done. True, he said he wasn’t mad at me because he hadn’t told me I had to stick with him. Yet, I still feel like I failed. It is hard not to when there is a new rule created purely because of this one incident.