I had a really shitty childhood. I suppose that isn’t different from a lot of people I know. I’m not here to talk about that. There’s no use re-hashing most of the crap I’ve gone through, it won’t change anything.
Growing up, I didn’t have a lot of fun though. Sometimes Master will want to do something, and in my head I’ll think:
“Ugh. Why? That’s never any fun.”
Master loves fireworks, for example, and I have never, ever had a good time watching fireworks before. There’s always little things that get in the way. There were fireworks when we went to Disney Land once when Master was down there for training. I didn’t like it because the fireworks were so close to us, and I didn’t like the loud noises. Master, of course, loved it.
This past Saturday, Master and me were sitting out in the breezeway between our building and the next one, and lighting snakes. They were kind of lame, but we bought them, and had to use them up. At one point someone walked by and asked us if we were going to go to the local fireworks. Master’s eyes lit up, but he didn’t want to take me, because I’ve never been a huge fan of fireworks.
We got in the house and I tried looking up where the fireworks were. I told Master I’d love to go. He got excited, and we packed up our pig, some plain white bread, some saltines and ginger ale in case my tummy decided to freak out, and we started walking down. We got there, and they wouldn’t let us in as they were out of wrist bands. Figures. We decided to walk back to the house and get the rest of our fireworks to light on the dirt path in the back of our apartment complex.
We started to light sparklers, and play with the few fireworks we had, and clearer than day we started seeing the fireworks from four towns each in separate distinct places in our vision. It was so lovely! The fireworks we weren’t allowed in to see felt as though they were inches from our faces! There were also three other town within our line of view! It was so cool. (And really, only possible because the part of Colorado we live in has very few trees.)
We laid a blanket out on the ground, and Master sipped a soda while me and Apple Pig laid in his lap watching all the pretties in front of us. After I got to thinking. I can’t let the bitterness of when I was younger ruin what fun I could have in the future. Just because fireworks were never fun before doesn’t mean they can’t be fun now. Doing things with my family has never been fun, ever. But I have a new family now. An “adopted” one, with Master, my kitties, and plushies. <3 It’s definitely time to let go and start experiencing things for the fun and joy they can bring.
Now, I just have to conquor sledding, and swimming with my head under water. I’m sure I will. Little steps.