Risk Aware Consensual – Topping!

Master and me were at home the other day, right after we had come back from the CAT-Scan, and he said something to me which really hurt, but it was the truth, and I can’t blame him for feeling.  However he feels is completely OK, and we both encourage honesty (but, also, tact when expressing said honesty).

“Geeze.”  He said, “You’re sure adding a lot to your medical history, aren’t you?”

It completely took me by surprise.  I didn’t really feel that way.  For one “You’re sure adding..” implies that I have a choice here.  And for two, I felt that this was just one more thing.  Sure, I have a lot of things on my medical plate, but it isn’t as though they all bother me on a day to day basis or anything like that.  The types of play we do require that some of my conditions be on high alert in Master’s mind though, and they also require him to pay close attention to my body when I begin to slip into sub-space and can’t riddle out what my body is doing for myself.

When we play with new people, be it a one-time thing, or something that’s going to last a bit longer – we usually discuss anything pertinent to the types of play we’ll be doing up front.  For example, if I’m going to be on the receiving end of some breath play, then it is important for the top I’m playing with to know and understand that I’ll be at a higher risk factor than others are due to my epilepsy.  If we’re going to be doing piss play in which I’ll be drinking someone else’s urine – it’s important that the other person know I have kidney stones so that they don’t go overboard.  I can drink a lot of piss, but if it’s going to be a regular thing, that sort of play will need to be “capped” somewhat.  Likewise, it’s important that no one else that I’m not fluid bonded with ever drink my piss, because I always have trace amounts of blood due to the stones.  There are many, many more examples of what needs to be warned about and where, but I think you all get the picture.  If I’m doing bondage with someone, I probably don’t need to warn them about my kidney stones, but they may need to know about my epilepsy and low blood pressure.  And on, and on.

This made me think.  This past weekend at Thunder In The Mountains, Master had decided up front that I was not permitted to do any impact play with Masterofslavej, should the possibility of playing with them happen (we weren’t sure, because we already had our schedules packed with Thunder).  Still, there were a couple of times when Master himself hit me in my upper body, though not as hard as usual, and not in the lower right tummy, near my appendix.  In this case, it was Master who decided to protect our play partners by not letting them be the possible cause of an appendix rupture.  If it was to be caused – it was going to be on Master’s shoulder’s and no one else’s.  (Ok, maybe mine, as I was begging for some pain the whole time.  But then, I’m not so good with consequences if I feel there is minimal risk.)

I was thinking about this whole sinereo, and how I’ve played with other tops on many the occasion before.  Master (or me, before I knew Master!) would tell the person the info which needed to be said before actual play time, and I’ve honestly never, ever had anyone turn me down due to a medical condition that they felt uncomfortable playing with.  If someone decided that they didn’t want to do something with me because I was too high of a risk for what they felt comfortable with, then I completely understand where they are coming from, and I would respect that decision entirely.

The trick with me though, is that while I have lots of little things to be aware of, the vast majority of them truly do not interfere with me at all on a daily basis.  The biggest one I have to worry about is low blood pressure.  No joke though, Master keeps a salt lick on hand and sometimes if we’re playing for a long time, he will have me lick it periodically.  It’s one of those things like checking for blood circulation periodically that Master doesn’t mind doing here and there.

I got to thinking though, more often than not, it is the bottom, or submissive who is the one to turn the top or dominant person down because they feel that the risk to them is too great, or purely because the activity is not one in which they want to engage in.  My question to my readers is, as a top, have you ever felt as though you didn’t want to play with a certain bottom purely because you were worried about a medical condition they had and for no other reason?  I’ve been with tops who just start off really cautiously with an activity when they play with me, and then increase it if things seem to go well.  However, as I’ve said – no one who had interest in playing with me has ever expressed disinterest after finding out they’d be playing with someone who has a couple extra things to watch for.

I am not a top myself, but the more I think about it, the more that RACK goes two ways.  I often think of the top trying to convince the bottom that they will be fine, and that the scene will be great for all, but I don’t often think of the bottom as trying to “warn” the top of any problems they have to be aware of.  Is that right?  I don’t know, but I am curious to hear your thoughts.

At what point would you decide that someone is too “broken” to play with?  Is there a point?  Or, would you go ahead and do the scene and just avoid the activity in question?  Would you do the activity anyway, but start very slowly and work your way up to something more complex?

Inquiring kitties want to know.

Conversely, if you’re a submissive, have you ever had a top refuse to play with you due to a medical condition you had, and for no other reason?  How did you react?  How did you feel?

Discuss!

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6 thoughts on “Risk Aware Consensual – Topping!

  1. MomoNoHanna says:

    My Master refuses to play with me when I have bronchitis. Which as you know can last for months on end. However if by the time the Dr gives me the “if these don’t get rid of it antibotics” he usually does something if my lungs are okay and seem like they can take it because by that point I’ve had so many antibotics that I am not contagious anymore. He also refuses it if his knee is having proberlems (old running injury) he will refuse it also untill his knee can handle it. Maste likes to make me wait anyway so he gets alot of enjoyment in the end :) Though we have a ‘don’t ge the other one sick’ policy especially when it comes to bronchitis. It is a good thing neither of us get colds or flu’s often!

  2. My BF will not play or have sex with me at all if my back is bothering me or if the least bit is out of normal. Sometimes it does not bother me, but other times I feel useless. Before I met BF, I was told more than once that a submissive that cannot kneel is useless, which hurt my feelings more than anything my BF has done or said. I had one dominate, who said he understood but he made me kneel for far too long for me. Afterward it made me angry, more so than any one who said I was useless. I had trouble walking for several days.

    • @Nox *Hugs* Wow, what a ridiculous thing to tell someone! We all have different physical capabilities, and I am willing to bet you are far from useless. :( It makes me so upset when I hear stories like that.