There a lot of things that I enjoy doing, some things that I don’t like doing but do anyway to please Master or my partner, a couple of things which I detest doing but will do for Master or to please my partner, and one thing that I can’t seem to get my head into the right space to enjoy 99% of the time (but do anyway to please Master, or my partner).
Not giving! I love giving oral sex. I like sucking cock, and I like licking cunt. I just can’t seem to get my head into the right mind frame to enjoy receiving oral sex most of the time. The times I’ve enjoyed it, I’ve been too distracted by pleasure (super turned on, or otherwise excited) and I haven’t thought about the actual act as it’s going on.
If I’m honest with myself, whenever oral sex is given to me first thing, I get all “squeemy”. I feel a bit ill inside, thinking about the idea of someone else’s tongue on my cunt. The texture to me is gross. The idea of someone else’s saliva there is nauseating. I do not know why this is an issue to me, but it is. Sometimes I can get past it, if I’m being fingered at the same time as I’m receiving oral sex. Sometimes I can’t. Sometimes we have to move on to something completely different until I’m really, really hot and bothered first and am distracted enough not to really realize I’m receiving oral sex.
When people ask me if I like to receive oral sex, my answer is usually “No”, because it has conditions attached. No, I don’t like having my cunt licked unless I’m really, really horny or otherwise distracted. No, it has nothing to do with how good your “skillz” are. No, you’re not going to be the one who makes me love oral sex. It’s a mental hang up, not a physical one. I’ve definitely had orgasms from oral sex, but I need to get out of my head, and that’s really hard to do in the moment.
It is frustrating to me to try to explain this to potential partners. A lot of them seem to have a “Well, you gave me oral sex, so now I have to give you oral sex.” Well, you can if you want to. But chances are if oral sex is the only thing going on, I just won’t be able to cum. If it’s after a good beating, or during something else I really enjoy, we might get there – but it’s something I’m letting the other person do because they want to, not because I want to. And, that is all well and good! I have no issue with that. I personally love the taste of cunt. I love licking it and tasting it and nipping it (hee hee)! It would be terrible to me if I was with a female partner and she didn’t want to have her cunt licked (even a bit), but I wouldn’t push the issue. I’m a giver, not a taker.
“But! But! You enjoy piss games! I know you drink your Master’s piss! How can you possibly find receiving oral sex to be gross?”
I don’t. At least, I don’t think it’s a gross concept or idea. I don’t think it should be banned or the practise should stop. It’s just something that I’ve been working on getting past for a long time, and I can’t really help the hang up I have with it. Does it mean I don’t receive oral sex? Absolutely not! Master loves giving oral sex. He too loves the taste of cunt. I don’t deny him when he (or others we play with) want to engage in giving me oral sex. However, it’s definitely not a “for my pleasure” activity.
I definitely feel alone on this one in a lot of ways. Most people I know (with a few exceptions) do love receiving oral sex. And I don’t blame them, but when it comes time for me to explain why I don’t like it, they get defensive or try to tell me that their “mega skillz” will impress me. It’s not about skills, it’s about me getting past the feeling of a tongue on my clit. I’ve gotten better about it over the years, but it’s something I have to actively work on. I’ve talked with Master about this a lot, trying to figure out how I can get past it. I feel weird about the whole thing, and wish there was a way around it. Master’s response is usually something along the lines of:
“Everybody has something they have trouble either giving or receiving. This is just yours.”
Ain’t that the truth? But, it doesn’t mean we’ve given up trying.