Several years ago, I got my certification in massage therapy, and I was really excited about it. For someone like me, who loves service so much, being in a business which takes care of other people really appealed to me greatly. True, there are other ways to serve people, but I’m not big on Western Medicine if I’m honest, and massage seemed like a lovely way to help others. Also, who doesn’t like the Massage Therapist? How often do you go to get a massage and whine about it before hand (like, say, the dentist or gynecologist). Further, I thought that learning massage therapy would help me in my servitude to Master. While he never sent me specifically to school to learn massage to use on him, it is something we discussed back when we first started dating.. I had wanted to learn for myself, and Master was definitely a willing “victim” of my massage practises.
Unfortunately, while at school, I injured my wrist (though, not by doing massage, go figure). I actually hurt it doing yoga, and it is now absolutely beyond the point where I could hold a steady job as a massage therapist. There is just no way that my wrist could sustain even a meager four or five hours of massage per week. Still, all that book learning and massage skills do not go to waste, let me tell you.
People are constantly asking me to give them massages. Friends, family, lovers, play partners, Master. I am usually all too eager, and more than happy to oblige. But, it seems that people don’t see massage the same way that I do. Before I went to massage school, Master would give me massages a lot. It is something he enjoys doing, and he’s definitely given me a neck or back rub. Sometimes, if I was very, very good, I’d get paw rubbies. I love paw rubbies.
For me though, Massage has never been a sexual entity. Do I sometimes get massages while I’m in a scene or playing with Master or other people? Yes! Does it feel absolutely wonderful? Yes! Do I enjoy it? Yes! Does it relax me? Yes! Does it turn me on? No. Not really.
In massage school, we learned that people have an innate “touch hunger”. People want and need to be touched, but in society, it is becoming something that happens less and less, unless you’re with a lover. Therefore, a lot of people associate massage with sexual energy. I just personally can’t see it that way. Maybe it is the fact that I went to school for massage that changes my view on it. I don’t see sexual energy when I am massaging… I see muscles that are tight, or in spasm, or injured which need relief in some way. I see it as a way to care for someone, to help relax them, to help them feel good.. But I don’t see it as a means to a sexual end.
When I am massaging someone, they may or may not get turned on, but if they get turned on, it really has nothing to do with the fact that I’m touching them in any special way. If a friend asks me to rub their back or their feet, then for me, I’m more worried about relieving tension than I am about sexual arousal. I just can’t connect the two.
I sometimes wonder if it is the hours upon hours of laying naked on a massage table for a stranger to rub me in class that has taken the sexual nature of massage out of things for me. However, I really don’t recall a time when getting a massage (even from a play mate) put me in a sexual state of mind. Could it be that I generally require a less forgiving hand to turn me on? Or, is there something about massage that just screams “medicine” or “clinical” to me? I really don’t know for sure.
Up until I became sexually active, I did have a rather good relationship with the idea of touch, non romantic love, and massage. Growing up, at slumber parties, as young as ten or eleven I remember all us girls taking off our shirts and rubbing each other’s backs, hands, or feet. Later, when I began gymnastics, we would all massage each other in lines on the bus on the way to meets, and also on the sidelines while we waited for our turns to perform our routines. Were we really all just that comfortable with each other? Is that what other little girls did during their sleep overs? Were we just strange? I don’t know. We never did any “practise kissing” or games like that. I remember being at a friend’s birthday party when I was about fourteen, all girls, and we played spin the bottle once. We all gave each other shy kisses on the cheek or forehead. I honestly don’t even remember whose idea that was or how it got started, but I only remember doing it the one time. We never got undressed during it or anything like that.
I also remember growing up and sleeping in the same bed as a friend during sleepovers. Again, nothing sexual happened. We were just close friends. We would even snuggle up sometimes. No kissing or anything of that nature. No massages or anything. We would just sleep side by side in the same bed, under the covers. Was that “usual”? Did other groups of girls use sleeping bags instead? I don’t know. I only have my own experiences to go on.
Then, I met Master. He is quite famous for his back rubs (large, strong hands, you know), and he loves to rub pretty girls. I count myself amount one of the lucky pretty girls he loves to rub. When we used to live back in Massachusetts, he would even sometimes get calls in the middle of the day from close friends asking if Master would be free to give him a massage that night. Usually the women kept their clothes on. It was just a matter of a sore neck, or a thigh that was twisted.
Does Master see massage as sexual? I don’t know. I suppose it depends on where I am massaging. If I’m giving his cock attention, it’s not going to stay soft for long. In general though, I think he views massage much the same way as I do. If I give him a sports massage, he feels “pumped up”. If I give him a Thai or Swedish massage, he might even fall asleep on the massage table. If I rub his back, he will purrr, and he isn’t even a kitten! But, rarely does it lead to an erect cock. At times I will give Master a sports massage before or after we play, so that his “hitting arm” stays in good shape. I’m a kind and benevolent slave like that. (And also, I like to do as I’m told).
I guess that all in all, I feel a little bit cornered or bad when a friend feels like I’m offering them a massage purely to get in their pants or something. If someone complains about how badly a wrist or shoulder hurts, then I don’t mind offering up my services.. But I would never do something like that in the name of sex or romantic intimacy. I just have a desire to help other people feel better. It doesn’t make my panties wet, although I do admit it does make my heart feel lighter and happier for having helped someone out. Is that the service in my belly? Maybe I’m just kind hearted? No matter the cause, I just have a big problem trying to connect massage and sex. I think I will always be this way.