Master is so sweet to me, and I’m always surprised by the levels of his spoiling. Not that he doesn’t spoil me often, because he does, but usually it is at least somewhat pre-meditated, and I know a bit about it ahead of time. “Let’s go out on Thursday to that place you like.” “I’m working late on Wed, but I’ll bring you dinner since you’re being so good.” Something like that. Last week though, Master sent me an email letting me know that I should be ready when he gets home, because he was planning on taking me out to pick out a new pair of panties from Victoria’s Secret.
I usually feel really guilty when he offers to do things like that for me, because while do love surprises, I often don’t feel that I’m worthy of a present, or having money spent on me, or whatever. This particular time I was feeling even worse about the surprise Master had planned for me, because I honestly hadn’t been dealing with stress lately very well. There’s nothing tremendously bad eating away at me, but I’m slightly worried about upcoming surgery, and I’ve also been working a lot (because Master has been working a lot, and when Master works, so do I). I’ve been feeling tense, and angry, though I’ve been keeping those things buried deep inside for the most part. I did snap at Master when he asked me a very polite question the night before. I felt absolutely awful the second I had done it, and apologized profusely. I think Master knew I didn’t mean it, but that only made me feel worse.
So, after being an absolute bitch whore (in my own mind), having him take me out that night wasn’t exactly something I had planned on. And it was making me feel even worse. Before we went to Victoria’s, we stopped at the food court in the mall, and Master got me some spring rolls, and himself some food at a Chinese food place. He put some of the food in the other side of the styrofoam tray he got for me to eat. I love when he shares his food with me. (Master’s food always tastes better). He even got me some tea, which was also lovely. I love tea. I think the best part about the Chinese food though, was the fortune cookie Master got after we were done eating. Win, much?
After we finished eating, Master took me to pick out the undies. We walked in, and there was a pair I liked a lot right away, but they didn’t have it in black in my size. I noticed there were some purple ones, and asked Master if he liked those. He said they were good, and I held onto them for a little bit while we continued wandering around. We noticed another table with some cheeky panties, and I saw some pink leopard print ones. I asked Master if he liked those, and he did! They had my size, so we bought them and were about to head out to the grocery store to do our weekly grocery shopping.
While we were at the grocery store, Master decided to have the woman behind the sushi counter make me a cucumber avocado roll (my favorite), further increasing the spoilage of that night. Again, I felt absolutely terrible that he was doing all these really nice things for me. I felt like I didn’t deserve them. I felt guilty and sad that I had been really short and agitated with Master the night before, even if it was only for a brief moment.
After we got home that night, Master explained to me that he wasn’t angry at all. That he understood that I had been under a lot of stress, and that I didn’t mean to lash out at him. He told me he loved me, and he wanted me to relax a bit and that he knew I needed a break. I know he is right, but I’m absolute rubbish at letting myself have even a moment of poor behaviour. Master is so loving, and kind, and sweet, and I am so lucky to have him. Not because he buys me things. Not because he wasn’t angry. But, because he knows me so well, knows how much I love him, knows that I feel absolutely terrible, and just wanted to help me feel less stressed again.