I started this blog back in 2010. I had planned to link to the first blog post ever, but some of our blogs got lost when we did the Great Transfer of 2013. Bummer. That’s the first post though that wasn’t lost. It’s hard to think that I have been blogging for so long. But, the blog is still relatively new, truthfully, and so you don’t get much of the info about our relationship on a kinky level or otherwise from the beginning.
Right before moving here, I had literally just graduated from Massage Therapy school, and was planning on going to school to be an acupuncturist. Denver has a lot of great schools though and we had figured I could continue my training here. About two years before I went to school for massage therapy, I came down with my first ever real POTS episode. When I say “real,” I just mean that I was in bed for over a year with terrible heart palpitations, lightheadedness, fainting, etc, and we didn’t know why. At that point I was able to sit up, but standing and moving around at all was next to impossible for me. Eventually, as I began to go to school Master and me began to get more and more physically active.
We went for walks everywhere which turned into jogging. I started jumping rope and lifting weights. I lost thirty pounds and started to get my life back in order as far as my health was concerned. Then one thing lead to another with the EDS diagnosis, and with various injuries I started to backslide. Last year I was hit with this second real POTS episode. (I don’t mean minor day to day crap. I mean severely crippling POTS problems.)
Because I have been active and figured out how to move with my crummy joints before, I know I can do it again. It will be slow and painstaking, but I know I can do it. POTS (for me) is a cycle. A vicious one at that, but a cycle. I lose a year or two of my life at a time, but I regained my life before and I know I can do it now, even if it takes some time. One thing that really has me bummed is that over the last year I gained twelve pounds on top of losing a bunch of muscle (my measurements are smaller in places, yet I weigh more, so I know I lost muscle and gained fat on top of it.) I don’t usually worry about my weight because I think that is counterproductive. I can’t speak for everyone, but when I eat healthy and exercise, my weight works itself out. The trouble is I have been unable to sit up for most of the last year, let alone actually get in a reasonable amount of activity, so I’ve had a huge backslide. And losing muscle is counterproductive to helping your POTS. (Not that it is ever a thing done on purpose.)
Master has been working with me on my stamina lately. It’s not something that is going to happen on its own after all. What he has been working with me the most on is positions and doing play which involve me to work my muscles so that they are really sore afterwards. I’m still trying to strength train and walk as much as possible, but any physical activity I can get in is helpful and amazing.
Playtime has consisted of a lot of Master tying me, or having me hold a difficult position on my own while I service him or he plays with me in some way or other, telling him the moment I am lightheaded, and changing to a reclining pose for a while before switching to a new position. If he notices my muscles shaking though, he’ll have me switch positions too, which is good because it makes me push myself without causing injuries.
Doing exercises that seem pathetic to me on my own (like lifting three pound weights, etc) is tedious. I do it, but it’s so boring to me. Having Master there to push me, reward me with praise when I manage to do something, and cheer me on each day is so much more enjoyable to me, and incorporating it into our sex definitely makes me work even harder! I know I have a Hell of a lot of work to do (because this episode is far worse than the one I experienced right before school) but I can do it. Having a loving Master who is there to help me never hurts either. Of course, reminding myself that I will be back to being as badass as I was before is a big motivator too.