Friendly Rant

There is something that has been pissing me off for a while now, and I keep intending to rant about it.  I don’t rant often, but every now and then you have to go get it out of your system.  Well, I’m getting this shit out of my system.

People who call themselves “friends,” but then don’t act like it.  It’s true that you can often find out a lot of things about me and how my life is going by just coming to my blog.  Sometimes that is more of a curse than a blessing.  I completely understand that life gets in people’s way and you can’t always phone, email, comment, or tweet to a friend as much as you normally would, but this is just getting ridiculous.

I know a lot of people who want to call themselves my “friend” but then, when the going gets tough, they check out on me until things are better.  If you can’t be there for me when my chips are down and I’m having a rough time, whether that be physically, emotionally, or for whatever reason, I’m sorry, but you aren’t a friend.  Wanting to only associate with someone when things are “easy” does not make you a friend.  You’re being an acquaintance.  (And still, not a very good one.)  Pure and simple.

I can tell people are doing this, because all of a sudden, they will call me on the phone after a crisis has passed and things are looking good.  They want to be all friendly and pretend that things are okay.  No, they are not OK.  You were a dick to me when things were bad, and now you want me to pretend we’re best buds?  No.  Friendship does not work that way.

Then you have people who will only contact you when things are bad.  When things are good, you can fuck right off, because things are going bad for them and they can’t be happy for you.  I’m not talking about gloating.  If I was gloating then I’d ignore me too, but I’m not the type to gloat.  If things go well for me, as a friend of mine, I would think you would want to hear my good news and share in it with me.  If you don’t, then why would I consider you my friend?  You’re an acquaintance.  (And, a piss-poor one at that.)  Pure and simple.

Then you have those people who pretend to be your friend, but when you tell them something good has happened, they point out everything that is wrong with you being happy, and they can’t be supportive for shit.

I’m not saying every person I meet has to be my very bestest bud ever, and they have to be there for every moment of every day.  I realize I go through ups and downs with my health, and I’m not perfect in any way.  I do know people who I consider to be acquaintances, who consider themselves to be such too, and I’m not talking about those people.  We have mutual understanding, and we’re not trying to be super buddy-buddy with each other.

But those so-called “friends” who sabotage your joy, who refuse to be supportive, who only will be friends so long as you are happy, or so long as you are not happy?  You can fuck off with that shit.  I want my life to be good, and I will not sink to being “constantly depressed” to maintain a friend.  And, I want to be able to tell people when things go well without them sneering.  If you can’t be happy for me unless I’m miserable, or if your “friendship” isn’t really a friendship?  Please see yourself to the nearest door and fuck the fuck off please.

Thanks.

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8 thoughts on “Friendly Rant

  1. I’m gonna be brave and comment on this and hope I don’t get clawed! ;)

    I don’t presume to know who or what prompted this, hell, it could be me for all I know, but I would offer you this:

    Everyone has bad patches in their lives. Sometimes the only thing that makes them bearable is the knowledge that there is a good patch on the horizon. In this day of blogs and people inviting strangers and acquaintances alike into the intimate details of their lives, most people are always looking for those good patches, to share in the fun. It’s not that they don’t care, or don’t sympathize with the bad patches, it’s just that they have enough bad in their own lives that sometimes they just silently wish you well and move along. I know I’m definitely guilty of that. Sometimes ya just don’t know what to say to someone when the chips are down, so ya don’t say anything and just wait until there’s something fun to join in on. Again, I have no idea what prompted this, so if I’m way off base, disregard this and point and laugh at me. :)

    • @Gaspar No, it wasn’t you specifically. Moreso I get upset at people pulling this on me in real life because a few of my off-internet friends read my blog.

      I don’t spend all my time when I am around other people moping during the rough times, but plenty of people pull that crap on me in person. Yet those same people won’t hang if anything sucky is going on, it’s ridic.

      I don’t blame some people who ARE aquaintences for checking out during the rough times, but if people wanna play that way then no, I don’t consider them friends. Maybe I am too tough on people but my definition of “friend” includes not having to be alone for the sad bits. I have seen a lot of people I was close with go when I got super sick and it hurts. Trying to befriend me now that I am on the mend? I just can’t. What I have is incurable and there WILL be bad years like this one in the future.

      I would rather have three close friends than fourty aquaintences. That is just the way I have always been. Call me stubborn.

  2. I get it, I do, just wanted to offer some unsolicited words of ?wisdom?

    On a positive note, I guess we’re good, because we came out when you were in the middle of the bad! ;)

    P.S. I farted in your futon.

  3. I have one of those last types I am dealing with at the moment. Good friend but so many things she disapproves of. (Kink included, mostly kink)

    Were the ones that ” checked out” on you ones who read your blog? Because they may have been afraid of bothering you. Of course perhaps that is just the excuse, I heard once I was healing. And readily accepted.

    • @Gaia Yeah I do see it as an excuse as well as the whole “I’ve been busy.” Fuck that noise. It is so entitled, you know? Everyone is busy. Everyone has a lot going on in their lives. Everyone ::makes:: the time for the things and people that are important to them. Ah well. You learn who your friends are for sure. :)

  4. I know I’ve never commented here before, but I can really relate to this one. I began dating someone significantly older than I am, and really found out who my true friends were. One actually told me that they would not be my friend unless I stopped seeing him. Friends should be supportive and there for you all of the time, not under conditions or only when you’re unhappy. I’ve read this blog for a while now, and you seem like a great person, good times and bad.

    • Thanks @missxjayy. Here I thought I would be the only one with this opinion. That is awful about your friends saying that they wouldn’t be your friend unless ________. Conditions like that show me just exactly how awful some people can be. :( I wish you well.