It’s kind of like being sick, and it’s something new I have to get used to, until Master finds a job anyway. He’s had some interviews lately, but no biters yet. Either way, the truth of the matter is that I’m the only one with a job right now, and so I’m working as hard as I can as often as I am able to work. I love being on cam, and it’s not a burden to me to have to do it more. It’s just that before it was more of a hobby for when Master wasn’t home so that I could be productive and maybe earn some vacation money, and now it’s just more important that I’m on as much as possible.
Thing is, since it’s our main form of income right now Master is doing everything in his power to help me get ready faster in the morning so that I can be online longer. Sometimes he will bring in some caffeine and put in next to me while I am still in bed to help me get up faster. Sometimes he will make breakfast for me while I am in the shower, or blow my hair dry while I eat said breakfast. They are little things, yes, and I know why he is doing them. He’s not doing them as service to me, he is doing them in order to get me on cam faster so I can spend more of the day at work. It makes sense when I think about it, but I can’t help but feel like he’s waiting on me at times.
I realize that he isn’t waiting on me. I’m not even asking him to do these things. He’ll just bring me some food or come over when I am eating to dry my hair. It just reminds me of when I’m sick in a way. I don’t mean my normal chronic bullshit, but rather, when I get a flu or a cold. He’ll bring me cold medicine or check my temperature, even though I try to get up and get those things for myself. He usually tells me to rest, but I feel guilty because I feel like it is my job to make his life easier, and if I am sick and he’s checking on me constantly or bringing me toast I feel bad. I have heard the analogy of being a car a million times.
“Think of it this way, Faete! If your Master’s car broke down, he would take care of it! That’s how it is when you’re sick!”
I know that he takes care of me because he loves me. I know I can’t (and shouldn’t try to anyway) stop him from doing it. It doesn’t change things though, when I feel like I’m being waited on, despite understanding why he is helping me, I feel guilty. I feel less guilty now than I did when we first started dating, but it’s still there. Old habits die hard.