We were driving, I don’t remember where. Well, Master was driving. Out of the blue he asked me:
“Do you miss driving, Kitty?”
I sat there in silence for a minute. I had to think about a response.
When I first started driving, it wasn’t right away. I didn’t get my license straight at sixteen and that was mainly due to the fact that I had no one to teach me to drive. Then, I needed to move out, and various friends taught me to drive. I went to Driver’s Ed too, because if you did you got a discount on your insurance, but I only got maybe three or four hours of in-car instruction with the instructor reading the paper while I drove.. That’s not really enough to pass a test. Still, I did it.
At first, I didn’t feel all that confident driving, but I felt pretty OK. It felt like any new thing, really. I had this feeling of “I can do this, but I don’t really like it all that much.” As time went on, I started to like it more, and the only thing I didn’t really like about it was driving alone, but mainly because I am a social creature who prefers company. Still, the radio helps with that.
The first job I needed to drive myself to was only about a twenty or so minute drive from my apartment. It wasn’t a big deal though I did get lost going home the first night I had to work until 2AM. Whoops! I did find my way!
Master and me didn’t live together for a while after we started dating, but once we did, I was the one with the car at first because my Dad gave me one. The car worked for us for a couple of years before it eventually broke down and died. It’s funny because in the beginning we used to “play fight” over who would be the one to drive.
Of course, Master always had the final say. :)
I liked driving because it gave me something to do instead of just sitting there. Master liked driving because if he wasn’t driving he would get nauseous. Before you say I’m a shit driver – he’s like that no matter who drives unless it’s him. He’s like that on busses and in airplanes and on roller coasters. I’m not saying I’m the best driver that ever existed, but I’m saying that in this instance I probably get a pass.
Then I had my first minor fender bender, and it was my own fault. I was in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way home and I was too close and I tapped the bumper of the guy in front of me. It was 100% my fault. I accepted that it was my fault. No argument. I should have left more space. Stupid thing to do, but then again, I hadn’t been driving for very long either. You make mistakes when you’re new at things and I fucked up. No one was hurt, but I did damage the other guy’s car a little bit, so my insurance did go up. Whoops.
The difference between that accident and the ones we’ve had here is that I didn’t then become scared to drive afterwards. Having accepted that the fault was clearly my own (it was) I didn’t feel scared of the other drivers, and the next day I got into my car and went to work as per usual.
Then this happened. It really shook me up, even though it was super minor and (again) no one got hurt. Still, I’m not one to be deterred from a fear forever. I knew it wouldn’t be overnight, but I was working on it.
Then I got sick, and now I legally cannot drive. Time will tell if I will be able to drive again, and there’s no guarantee whether or not I will be able to drive again. Still, if I can go a year without fainting (I think that is definitely possible, if we can get my condition under control) then I think I could definitely get back to a place where I could drive again. I’d like that a lot.
“Kitty?” Master asked.
I looked up.
“I miss the way it was before we moved here, before I got scared of driving. I don’t really miss driving here though. People drive like lunatics here.”
“Yeah, they do.”