It is so hard to believe that it has been a week since Master’s contract ended. I still feel like a log on fire, but I’m starting to get at least a little bit more sleep at night. Not nearly enough sleep, but some. Some is way better than none.
I know we’ll be okay because this has happened a few times now and we have always been okay, but that doesn’t mean it will be easy or fun or pleasant. We’ve changed my Infusion days to Sunday so we can get to the best food pantry. We’re staying in to work as much as possible. We’re lucky to have time to just sit next to each other because Master is diligently searching for work and I’m diligently sewing. At night he helps me with pressing buttons and packing orders and things like that. We’re doing our best.
Even if I know we’ll be okay, it’s still pretty scary. There’s not much of a safety net because this keeps happening. I am so sick of contract work and I hope there’s something permanent on the horizon for Master.
While it’s pretty shitty being in this place again, there are always silver linings. Master is awake at night with me, and it is nice being up together. Even if we don’t have a lot of time to spend relaxing right now, it’s still nice just having his presence around me at all times. It’s nice to have our old routine back where we go to bed together. With my insomnia it was pointless for a while, but with his not needing to be up at five in the morning there seems no real reason for him not to be awake with me most nights. Though, a couple of nights he has (understandably) had to go to bed before me. Most people are typically asleep before me! Ha! If I ever get off of these steroids I’ll be back in bed at a reasonable time, too.
So, things are okay. Scary but okay. Every day seems so busy but that’s good. It keeps me focused and distracted as best as possible. The busier I am the less I tend to dwell on the scary stuff. I’m just trying to take things day by day and remind myself that things could always be better, but they could also always be worse. Always.