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I feel like I’ve hit a new low, maybe. I don’t know. The paperwork for Master is almost completely ready to go. The head hunter thinks Master is going to start work on Monday. So what does this mean? It means we’re doing final preparations. One of the most major preparations is the Fall Alert button Master is getting for me.
While it may seem like something only for old ladies, it’s something we desperately need. Master had to quit his blackjack side job already because it no longer became safe to leave me home alone. I don’t always blog or tweet it every time I go to the ER, but I’ve gone a lot in the last year or so. With the gastroparesis, my blood levels drop suddenly and without warning and that can be life threatening. Master doesn’t want to leave me at home alone, and I don’t want to be left with no way to get to the hospital (due to the POTS I cannot drive). There simply needs to be a plan in place so that if my potassium falls, or I pass out and hit my head, then I can get the help I need without Master missing work. He hasn’t missed any in over a year but we can’t take chances. We need this plan in place.
Unfortunately, the plan also comes with something I’m not pleased with at all (again, necessary though). Last night, Master had me sit in the kitchen and he gave me the key to my collar. I know a lot of slaves out there do self-bondage, but I’m not one of them. It’s just not something that really works for Master and me, and having the key to any of my collars or any of the bondage equipment didn’t seem like something we wanted. Up until now, I have always known where the spare collar key was and I’ve always known that in an absolute emergency that I should get the key and remove it so I can go to the hospital if Master wasn’t around. Up until now, I haven’t been in any position to actually need to take my collar off without Master doing it. Now, I need to know.
It felt wrong doing it, even though Master was supervising me. Some people don’t like to wear their collars, and they would probably abuse their key. I will never touch my key unless it is something life-threatening like a possible stroke (with the hemiplegic migraines, it’s almost impossible knowing if I’m having a stroke or not without a CT scan), heart attack, or my electrolytes dropping. I feel naked without my collar. I’ll never take it off unless Master commands or it’s impossible to proceed without it.
I did manage to get the collar on and off twice. The first time was harder than the second, however, I did it. Master says until he feels comfortable that I could do it even when I was really ill, he’s going to keep drilling me. I guess it is something most slaves don’t need to get good at, but my health is too precarious right now, and we really do not want to risk Master losing his contract while we work to stabilize my conditions.
A button is coming in the mail soon. Master ordered it last night. It feels crummy needing these things, but I am grateful that I have a backup in case of absolute emergency. With luck I will never need it, and peace of mind is still worth it so very much.