Archives for 

Musings

Masochism and Doctors

Hits: 0

The thing about me is that, I never have the “right” symptoms for anything.  I had figured this was due to Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome at first, but I am starting to think that masochism has something to do with it.  For example, when I recently had a sinus infection, it was sort of something I was dealing with for the past few weeks.  Master and me thought it was just ear wax related, so we bought one of those “clean your ears out yourself” kits and spent a week on it at home.  It didn’t work, so after about a week, we went to the doctor, who flushed one ear, but told me the other one was completely fine, and I should be good in a day or two.  That’s when I got the worst headache of my life, and we went back.  The doctor looked again and told me my ears were both squeeky clean, and that wax could not be the issue at all.  It took us forever to figure out that it was actually that I had blocked sinuses, because I take an inhaler and it keeps my nose clear enough to breathe.  The doctor kept pointing out that usually when people have sinus infections that they are in a ton of pain.  She told me to rate my pain.  I told her:  0.  No pain.  My only issue was that I could not hear out of my left ear, and I would get occasional headaches.  The headaches were so bad I couldn’t sit up, but outside of the headaches, I had no pain.  Eventually she decided to just look at my sinuses anyway, since it would only take a minute, and she knew what was wrong right away.

That seems to be a common problem with me.  Doctors like to always ask me: “So, why are you here, if you’re not in pain?” And, I have to sigh and say “I’m here because, even though it doesn’t hurt, I don’t think limping like this is normal.” Or “Because my hand will not work.”  Or, “Because I can’t hear.”  And they almost never seem to check me for the things that are actually my issue because “You’re not in pain, so nothing is wrong.”

When I was going to PT, my physical therapist told me at one point that there was no way my foot could possibly still be broken because I “Would be in so much more pain.”  It’s really frustrating, because it turned out my foot was broken.

It’s not that masochism makes me feel no pain, I’m not implying that.  I do like pain, and I get turned on by it, it’s just that, for me anyway, I find that my constant exposure to pain (whether in the bedroom, caused by an injury, etc) has given me a much higher tolerance for it, which is also why it takes more and more beatings for me to get off the same way I always have.  More pain = good in the bedroom.  I guess it would be good outside of the bedroom too, because then it would be easier to figure out what is wrong with me when I get sick or hurt.

Master has even told me that maybe I should lie and tell the doctor something hurts worse that it does.  “Always add one or two to the number when you’re rating your pain.”  But, we concluded that would not be the best idea because if I say my pain is an eight, and I don’t look like I’m near tears, then the doctor won’t believe me which isn’t good either.

Any other masochists out there have this same problem?