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Goodbye, Sabrina

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Well, today is the day. In about six hours, Sabrina will be gone. She’s laying on the massage table right now, behind the batteries. I have no clue why. I’ve never seen her on there before. I wonder if she knows. I wonder if she wants it to be the end. She’s quite old at twenty years. She’s still beautiful though. We may not be the best of friends, but even I have to admit that she’s a gorgeous kitty with glowing eyes and a big heart. That heart wasn’t meant to be shared with me though. It belonged to Master from day one.

I feel awful about having to put Sabrina down. We’ve done lots of tests though, and spent lots of money on “cures”. None of them have worked out though, and it’s to the point where the vet and us are all pretty sure Sabrina just can’t control her bathroom habits anymore. It’s very, very sad. Even if I’m not personally attached to Sabrina, I still do not want her to be put down. I know what she means to Master, and I do not want Master to be in pain.

Thing is, even if Master weren’t in the picture, I just wish there was another way. No matter my feelings on an animal, I would never, ever wish to have an animal lose a life. Seeing any animal in pain makes me sad, regardless of whether or not we’re best friends. It doesn’t matter. Sabrina has never hurt me or been mean to me. Maybe she’s snubbed me here and there, but I don’t blame her. After all, Master is a wonderful man and he holds my heart too.

In a couple hours, Master will come home, we’ll box Sabrina up, and then we’ll have to do our groceries. It’ll be strange to bring home a box with no cat in it. I am really nervous and I do not want to go. I absolutely want to support Master, and so I absolutely will be there, but I wish I didn’t have to watch Sabrina be put to sleep. It’s something I don’t relish in the slightest. ::Sigh::

I do not want to make this post a two-parter, so I will come back and edit it a bit more later, once we’re home. I just hope everything goes smoothly for Sabrina, and Master too.

We’re home now. We’re both feeling very drained – at least, I am. Master seems in a bit better spirits, but I tried really hard to be supportive and be there for him. The whole ordeal was very hard on us both. I was a lot more upset than I thought I would be.

Both of us were dead silent on the way there while Sabrina wailed in the back seat a little bit. Poor mite. She always hated her box. I could see that tears were starting to well up in Master’s eyes, so I tried making a couple small jokes about a video game which seemed to perk him up. When we got there, they put us in a special room which had lovely blankets for Sabrina, soft lighting, and even a couch. It was the loveliest room, and I think it made Sabrina feel a lot calmer being in there. Not Master or me. When we got into the room, we were both just overwhelmed with the fact that this was the end. It was so obviously the end, and whatever you wanted to pretend before this, you could certainly not pretend now.

The doctor was very nice, and when we explained how old Sabrina was and how long we’d been working on making her well, he was very understanding. We went to a new vet because the old one wanted to charge us nearly double to put her to sleep. :( We had Samantha put to sleep at this vet before too, so it wasn’t a big deal. The only reason we switched vets in the first place was because this old one was a bit of a drive. The doctor explained what would happen to Sabrina and Master and me both sort of lost it and began to cry. Even the doctor was beginning to tear up. He excused himself to go and get the medicine to put Sabrina to sleep.

While he was gone, I gave Sabrina a kiss goodbye, and so did Master. We kept telling her what a good kitty she was and how sorry we were that she was going to have to leave us now. I was a lot more sad than I expected to be. I may not have been best friends with her, but, I did live with her for nearly ten years. :( When the doctor came in, it was all very quick. He first gave Sabrina a sedative to make her sleepy and unresponsive, but still awake enough to hear us both. We patted her and said our goodbyes one last time. Then, the vet waited for Master to say that he was ready and he gave Sabrina the anesthetic overdose which put her to sleep. We were both crushed. I tried my best to comfort Master, but it wasn’t easy because we were both so sad. The vet tried to tell us that Sabrina was chasing mice with Samantha now. I was too distraught to mention that I didn’t believe she was in any kind of heaven. For me, when a person or animal dies they are gone. I feel really bad that Sabrina is gone now. She really was a good cat, even if we weren’t best buddies.

The house is empty now. Master is getting ready to go have a smoke on the porch and watch some anime on CrunchyRoll on his phone. Serenade keeps running around the house. I wonder if she knows that Sabrina is not coming back. It is so sad to lose a member of your family, even if that member is furry. Sweetest dreams, Sabrina. You were such a good girl, and I am so sorry your time has come. :(