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Samantha

Missing You, Baby

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Samantha

My Most Dearest Little One,

Well, you’ve been gone for one year today.  I have to tell you, my heart still aches for you each and every time I see your picture.  I still sometimes will reach for you in the night, but you’re not there, of course.  I still keep a pillow above my head for you.  I know it’s silly though, because I know you won’t be coming back to us.  Still, it doesn’t seem right to sleep without it there, you know?

I still long for you, Baby.  I miss your little furry face, and how you could read me better than anyone.  Such a gorgeous spirit and amazing little kitty you were.  Why did you have to go?

I got another kitten, Sammie, but she’s nothing compared with you.  I feel guilty.  You know I would never try to replace you, right?  She’s lovely, and of course I love her, but no one could ever replace you.  Please don’t be mad at me.  Having a friend here with me does ease my loneliness, you know, even if it doesn’t cure my broken heart.

Fucking Hell, Samantha.  Why did you have to leave me?  I’ve been getting hurt a lot, and could really use my little furry friend at my side.  Gawd, I know how selfish that is, trying to keep you here when your kidneys were hurting.  I’m glad you’re at peace, even if you’ll never read this, see this, or be by my side once more.

You know I don’t believe your spirit is with me.  You know I know you’re completely gone.  But, there is somehow a little bit of peace in just confessing my heart to “you”.  I miss you so badly, and it hurts all the fucking time.  I wonder if it ever gets easier.

~Mommy