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As of the time I’m writing this (a few days before it will publish) I’ve been sick for nearly a month now.  It is difficult for people to understand, because when they see me, I seem fine.  I don’t have a runny nose, and I don’t act different really.  The problem is that I’ll eat – and it’ll hurt to eat, but that will subside.  Then, when the food hits my intestines I am over run with waves of pain that stop me in my tracks.  At first, what I ate seemed to matter a lot.  Now, it seems like everything is just as painful.  This all started with a bout of food poisoning, and I thought I was going to be over it in 5-7 days according to my doctor.

I went in to see my doctor and she suspects a rumbling appendix, ulcer, or a few other really unpleasant and unappetizing things.  She set up an appointment for me to go to have a CAT scan.  I was called a couple of days before the scan, told my insurance approved it, and was looking forward to having some answers, and at the very least ruling a couple of conditions out.  Master and me were on our best behavious keeping impacts away from my upper body in the event that it was appendicitis.  We have not done tight rope work, we’ve been patient reminding ourselves that this was temporary.

This morning when I woke up, I had a small breakfast and some water, and before I knew it, I had to fast (no food OR water 4 hours prior to the test.)  Not eating was easy.  Not drinking was difficult, but I managed it and was just looking forward to getting things over and done with.  Not to mention, being dehydrated was making the pain worse.

We got there, and I was just glad to be there.  I just wanted this to be over and done with.  We got up to the counter, I’m filling in my paperwork, and I see that I owe them nearly one thousand dollars up front.  We talked to the woman and asked how that could be when we had prior approval, and she said we did have prior approval, but that there was a deductable.  Master’s insurance changed recently, so we think that this may have been added without notifying us.  Simply, we can’t afford all that money up front, and they don’t do payment plans.  We’re screwed.  Well, we’re fine.  I’m screwed.

Master is really worried about me going back to work like this, but honestly, it looks like at least for now, this is going to be some weird kind of “new normal.”  I’m going to just deal with it the best I can, and my intent is just to do what I do with a lot of other pain I have on a general basis.  Pretend it doesn’t exist.

Right after Master and me got through at the doctor’s office, we went over to our local Sprouts (which is a sort of natural grocer near us.  It’s similar to a Whole Foods buch more cheaper in general), and looked around for a vegan drink mix.  We settled on some chocolate Vega, and some rice milk, and I’m just going to stick with popsicles, bananas, and Vega for a while.  No moping, no whining, I am just accepting this pain, whatever it is.

Master is worried that something bad will come of this, but we don’t have much of a choice for now.  Should it turn into acute appendicitis – we shall know, and an ER visit is far cheaper for us anyway.  We were hoping to avoid that kind of unpleasantness, but there’s no choice now.

Master is also going to call the insurance tomorrow and try to argue with them.  It won’t hurt, anyway.  I have a doctor’s appointment next week, so we’ll see what that yields.

I cried when I realized they couldn’t take me.  No one seems to understand the misery I’m in because whatever this is does not look like a cold or flu. :(  It’s hard when most people don’t believe something is wrong. :(

I thank you all for your well-wishes.  If anything useful develops, I’ll make another post letting you know.  If not, I’ll keep my whinging and misery to myself.  It’s not like whinging is that helpful anyway.