If you know me at all, you know I’m an exhibitionist. I like being watched. A lot. It’s pretty obvious even if you don’t know me. I post a lot of personal pictures online and derive quite a bit of pleasure from knowing that others look at those pictures. I talk about lots of things which most people don’t talk about, and I derive quite a bit of pleasure from knowing that other people read the things I talk about.
In person, I’m less of an exhibitionist than you might think. Sure, if I’m in a situation where exhibiting is applauded, then I’m likely to join in. In small groups, etc, I do not need to be the center of attention all the time. In fact, I fade into the background quite a lot around people I’m super comfortable with.
Since we’ve begun playing with others, I’ve started questioning this whole “I’m an exhibitionist, not a voyeur” stance I always take. True, when we’ve played with others in the past, I enjoyed watching another submissive get spanked, or teased, or watching them service their dom/me. I never saw this as voyeurism though. I had always just considered myself lucky to be part of someone else’s play. Regardless of how I or they got there, the fact of the matter is, I was witnessing something incredibly intimate and sexual between other parties. I felt honored, regardless of whether or not I played an active role in what was happening.
I think it was a few weeks ago that I mentioned to Master something along the lines of:
“Hey, is it wrong of me that I want to see you do (activity)_____ to (person)_____?”
I also mentioned I didn’t want to be the one to do _____ to the person, but I would love to watch them have it done. Master, in his obvious demeanor, said something like:
“Nope. That just makes you a voyeur!”
I was totally taken aback. Me? A voyeur? Don’t be ridiculous! I exhibit. That’s all I do. Right? Right?
I had to think about this.
What is a voyeur? According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition, a voyeur is:
“one obtaining sexual gratification from observing unsuspecting individuals who are partly undressed, naked, or engaged in sexual acts; broadly : one who habitually seeks sexual stimulation by visual means.”
I’m definitely not defined by the first part of that sentence. I don’t take pleasure in spying on unsuspecting individuals. I am 100% consensual sex oriented. The second part of the sentence may describe me, at least in part.
I’m not the type of girl who wants to go to public showings of play, in general – unless I know someone very closely who will be performing or a part of such play. I never was much into the club scene, nor was I the type to go to a demonstration of something that I was familiar enough with. Educational purposes, yes, but demos on something I know plenty about? Nope. It’ll just make me want to go home and do it myself. However, I do often enjoy (and have in the past) watching others play. I like seeing what they do, what makes them happy, horny, wet, excited. Seeing someone else get excited gets me excited too.
I guess when I stop and really think about it, there’s another label to add