Happy Birthday, Kitty

I used to make lists of things I was grateful for on my birthday. They don’t have to be big or deep but there’s always stuff to be thankful for. Maybe we’re not considering them in the moment, but they’re there. On my birthday I want to recognize 100 in vaguely random order, with the exception being the top slot. I’ve been too sick over the last month to do my birthday photo set, unfortunately, so here is a picture of my pressie from Master Pravus instead. It’s the axolotl in the front. Thanks for reading (If you do!)

1. Master Pravus and my Dragon Boi. I don’t believe in hierarchal polyamory, and I don’t want to place either one on top or below the other. Not this year or ever. They’re both so important to me and they both fill in the corners of my heart. I thought about putting them both in randomly, but even in that case- one will be above the other on the list and I hate the implications of that. This is MY birthday list and since they both share space in my heart, they are both going to share the same line. And that line is also the top line.
2. All the people who love my Dragon Boi both platonically and romantically, when I am not there. Everyone who loves my Master Pravus both platonically and romantically, also when I’m not there, thought I admit I am there a lot with Master Pravus, and I have spoken before briefly about how my Dragon is a long distance love.
3. For my Dad’s presence, even when he’s no longer with me.
4. I find my Dad everywhere all the time, and I don’t think I will ever stop grieving him. I’m grateful for that too.
5. My little kitty, Dongalor, who comes when I sing him his ridiculous dinner song (no matter the time of day), who loves standing on stools, who always “fights” me for the coziest spot in the house.
6. All the friends and family I am honored with. People who love and check in on me in the good times and bad. People who let me check on them and cheer them on as well. People who let me love them and who love me back. People who think of me when things are good, or bad, or when they’re drinking a cup of tea.
7. To wake up every morning and have dreams to work towards, fire, and motivation. Those aren’t things that everyone has and I see that all the time. I’m so thankful for it, regardless of cause.
8. Tea. Look. I can’t eat gud so I’m running on smoke and fumes mostly. Without caffeine I think I would be actually doing things for two hours a day. So thank you, tea! And thank you to herbal teas for giving me something to drink besides water when it’s getting too late in the day.
9. Applepig and Biggle Piggle. They’re old. I barely sleep with either one of them anymore because frankly, I’m terrified about keeping them in good order.. But when I’m sick, seriously sick- terribly too ill to function.. They always have my back. I don’t know what I would do without my #1 and #2 pig. (And I’m not saying who is who, I don’t want them to fight. Plushies are definitely on a hierarchal system. HA!)
10. The house. It’s so legitimately perfect for what we need. We’ve made it so accessible to me and while I miss the adaptations we had in the old house pretty bad sometimes, it’s a marathon not a sprint and I love that I can literally get to my studio from the bedroom. I love that the Mewtique is upstairs too. Which brings me to:
11. The stair lift. I mean, even though I need supervision on it (kjdffiurgf annoying) without it, moving here wouldn’t have been possible for me at all. And I’m glad I have the option to use it on days I need it.
12. The way my Master loves me. It’s very.. Intentional. I will tell him one word I learned about or a thing that upset me, and he instantly will make plans to update something to the house incorporating the word or item. I love when we just talk but he’s always been spurned to action over things. Even if we don’t always agree on those things, what would fix the upset or whether he needs to plant a garden visible from the window just because I learned a new word.. I just think it’s adorable. He’s so sweet and cute. How could I not love his intentions?
13. For my regulars. You guys are the backbone of my clip making and without you I would be lost. So this line is for those who not only have been regulars or fans for a long time, but the new ones who I have met in the last year or so. I really am so grateful.
14. For my sponsors. Everyone who sends me a toy to review, or who sponsors a blog post, or who just outright buys ad space. I’m grateful to you. Thank you for helping this sexy kitty keep in business.
15. For my phone. Without it what would I legitimately do?
16. For my body, it seems to run no matter what happens and how hard it gets pushed. It puts up with so much. It struggles every day. It fights just to maintain some semblance of normalcy. Thank you for whatever “today” is. I appreciate.
17. For crop tops on men, and bois, and fishnets on everybooty.
18. For people in my life who aren’t afraid to gently tell me when I’ve done something (or been doing it) wrong so that I can learn and be better not just for them, but for me too.
19. Mechanical keyboards. Doing the lord’s work out here.
20. For glitter. Saviour to my literal eternal soul.
21. For the way my Dragon loves me, they have shown me that there are things about myself that I am allowed to smile about. Some things that I’d never noticed before, and some things that I never thought I could smile about. That is a gift I will always have, and can never lose.
22. For how supportive Master Pravus is of my Dragon, and how supportive my Dragon is of my Master. It’s such a wonderful scenario. I’m a very lucky kitten.
23. For leather. For always being able to learn more about it, taking care of it, and loving it. And just for its existence. See also: boots. ::Laughs::
24. For music, though I jokingly call it “magic” a lot. Tubbie time wouldn’t be the same. Heck, I wouldn’t be the same.
25. Tubbies. Even when I’m capable of showers, I still prefer tubbies. And tubbie time is my favorite time of the day, next to my daily cum. ‘Nuff said.
26. The daily cum. I mean. If I knew sooner that curing my insomnia was this simple, I would have just done this sooner.
27. Books. I’m so grateful for my little “Book Nook.” I don’t remember when the last time I ran out of new books to read was. There always seems to be one new one in there, and that makes it like a magic cupboard for books. That’s not due to lack of reading either. That’s just due to my family constantly shoveling fantastic reads at me. Thank you, family.
28. My massive collection of dildos and sex toys. ‘Nuff said.
29. This year I discovered three new bands I like, and one new singer. This essentially makes the amount of people I listen to a fifth larger. That’s really big for me. I’m grateful not necessarily for discovering this music, but for being open-minded enough to try. I don’t like to try new music. I have my reasons why I stick with the same music (and they’re kind of silly), but it started with Master Pravus telling me he found a band exactly like one of my favorites on recommendation of one of his co-workers, and from there I tried three more. Regardless. Maybe next year I’ll be open minded enough to try something else. Who knows. Maybe not (PROBABLY NOT. I’m a difficult, walled-up scamp about some things.. but I’m still glad I tried.
30. For full acceptance. A very rare gift.
31. For my routine. I’m completely lost without it. I can’t function without it. I’m so grateful for it.
32. For so much of the house being set up. I can’t believe it’s nearly unpacked now!
33. Shampoo turtle.
34. Endless supply of gloves to fuel my glove fetish thanks to being a home patient.
35. Hey, there may as well be something good to like about being on home care.
36. On that same note: dead horse glove purse. No one would ever know!
37. For dumb jokes.
38. Hand holding.
39. For new books when I’m open-minded enough to try them.
40. Master Pravus teaching me to dance in the kitchen. 🙂
41. For time spent sketching ugly looking plushie pictures and not caring even a little bit if they come out “good.” Just having fun and splashing paint.
42. For every single day I manage to get all my supplements, and even the days that I can’t.
43. I’m grateful for the days that I run around here at the speed of lightning so so excited to just be alive and just wanting to make my little videos and send messages to people and just full of happiness and fire.
44. But I’m equally grateful for all the days I am stuck on the cough staring at a wall wondering if anything at all is worth it, because I’m too sick to move and everything is absolutely awful, and I can’t get an appointment with my doctor or any human being to call me back. Without those days I wouldn’t appreciate the good ones nearly as much as I do. I know that now. (But a few less of them I wouldn’t be too unhappy about..)
45. When my seedlings sprout, and a little bit of green comes up out of the soil, and you know you had absolutely nothing to do with it really.. But also you kind of did.
46. Toe beans.
47. The feeling of being so small and so large at the same time, when I’m locked inside my cage. How I can feel so little and yet like I need to be kept safe in there. It’s such a rapturous feeling.
48. Ribbons. They can be the shittiest ribbon imaginable, and if I find one I will tie it around my neck like a Kitten.
49. Arm bars. ::pant pant::
50. Nipples. I’m grateful for nipples. There’s nothing profound to add here.
51. “I missed your voice” phone calls.
52. For hope. I had lost it for so long, and I really don’t think I would have any if we didn’t move here. I’m so grateful for this move. It was so much orchestration to get here. It was terrible. But things truly are seeming so much better than they have almost since before we originally left Boston to begin with. I have only the remnants of despair now, and I feel like they’re only barely hanging on too. (Now, if I could only get past that audiobook!)
53. For my feeding tube. I absolutely hate it, don’t get me wrong. There’s nearly nothing to like about it… But without it I wouldn’t be alive. And that’s reason enough to like it, or at the very least be grateful for it.
54. On its own separate line is my power port. I actually love my power port and have had very little problems with it. It keeps me hydrated and I’m so thankful.
55. Porch time.
56. For being genderqueer. I’ve never been more grateful for it in my entire life.
57. New words! I love learning new words so much. 🙂
58. For people who haven’t given up on me during the pandemic. The ones who don’t get angry at me when I have to keep declining their offers to hang. The ones who have no idea what’s going on (honestly, probably only Master Pravus and my Dragon really know what’s going on) and yet they keep asking and don’t get angry. THOSE people. I am so so grateful for them. So incredibly grateful. I don’t have the right words.
59. For Master Pravus putting up with my weird foibles. Without giving myself away, or saying exactly what the thing is.. Every night I have a certain fear, and every night he not only tolerates the fear but at this point he has come to love me for it. And I am so grateful that something I have been fearful of for so many years now is something he could possibly love me for.
60. Socks. Spleesh I’m so grateful for my weird sock kink and my ridiculous sock collection.
61. Random adventures that wind up with us stopping short to rummage through a Little Library.
62. Whenever I’m out somewhere and a little kid thinks I’m a “Faery” or asks their Mom if they can meet the “Faery princess.” There’s no compliment in the world better than a little kid thinking you’re a real live faery, I’m sorry.
63. Paper. I’m grateful to paper for giving me consistent excuse to be offline. I equate paper with offline, and I cherish it.
64. For hard candy. Honestly, tea and hard candy. Where would I be without you two? Nowhere, that’s where.
65. Back rubs. Giving and receiving.
66. The heated blankets!
67. That very pretty wooden step stool I got for Xmas for by the bed. Now I can reach (Why was I cursed with vertical height deficit?!) but also it’s so pretty.
68. For never running out of work. That’s a true blessing, to always have something to do- and an imagination to keep me busy during slow times.
69. For Master Pravus getting our audiobooks and radio show station set up. Sleep so much better now.
70. Getting to hold Master Pravus’ cock when he takes a piss… I mean. When he lets me.
71. For bondage. I’m so grateful for my nightly restraints, and rope every chance I get, and leather when the mood strikes Master Pravus. Oh, and sometimes steel or chain if I’m especially lucky.
72. Master Pravus’ “Who cares? You just need it.” In regards to my adaptations meeting up with my Dragon’s “I always say anything that helps.” Combining to make me care less about the things I need for my disability.
73. My little kigurumi collection. I mean. Instantly become little cosplay character in mega mega comfort: rejoice!
74. The scent of a plushie long snuggled and never washed, or a book that’s been loved and read over and over, or a lover’s hands.
75. Sock-skating across the kitchen floor when nobody’s looking. Least of all Tiberius.
76. For hearing “no” so that I understand that “yes” can be so much more meaningful.
77. For knowing I don’t have to give important people in my life qualifiers. I don’t know when I realized this, but when I did it was such a night and day thing. I felt so much better.
78. A reacher in almost every room. Spleesh after 20+ abdominal surgeries and a feeding tube, I’m just. Grateful, OK?
79. For baby food. What else would I actually eat. Uh.. I mean. Thank you babies?
80. Master Pravus’ mainly getting over his fear of blood to handle my power port. I don’t know what we’d do. It’s just. It’s not that it bleeds a lot, but obviously whenever there’s a needle there’s risk of blood… And he was terrified. Now he doesn’t blink.
81. That little “I love you,” right before the needle makes contact with my skin every week.
82. For pun sparring. ::Giggle::
83. The feel of raindrops falling on your face. There was almost none of that in Colorado and I missed it so much!
84. When you have an appointment somewhere and it’s running on time, or even better: early.
85. Being held at the wrist instead of the hand as we walk around outside.
86. Having my feeding tube held as we get into bed so I don’t have to think about tripping on it or doing it myself. Haha.
87. Master Pravus letting me put chap stick on him just because he likes the feel of me applying it. I feel so service slave.
88. Zug. No, I will not elaborate.
89. Every time I’m sad and a friend sends me a cat picture. I feel like Toast is literally going to recognize me if I ever get to meet him. Hahaha.
90. Having my studio/dungeon as my own little sanctuary. I feel so safe in there and I can literally go in there whenever I want. It’s just got everything in there that makes a happy Kitty. It’s my happy place.
91. Video game time with my little retro games.
92. My overflowing sticker box that bribes me into doing about a bazillion and one things.
93. The gnome collecton. Lionel literally makes my heart so happy every time I see him.
94. I’m grateful for all the weaknesses I know about, and all the weaknesses I have yet to discover.
95. Master’s blanket is finally unpacked and I’m completely looking forward to getting it done after all this time!
96. Master Pravus’ secret anti-despair aromatherapy mix. I dunno what’s in it. I can’t explain it… But it works.
97. Fluttery wings and velvety things.
98. For every little thing, moment, experience (both good and terrible) that taught me something and got me to where I am now. Everything lead up to today and I’m just proud to say that here I am. I’m still learning, I’m still gaining new experiences, and I’m right where I’m supposed to be right now.
99. For you, dear Reader. I appreciate you so much. Waking up to an email or a DM on one of my websites with encouragement, or a story, or just to say you read something here really makes me so pleased. Every comment means something. Even if you’re a silent reader, just your presence and that you hold me in your heart for a few minutes from time to time means so much to me. Thank you.
100. To be here. I never thought I would be here. I never imagined living this long when I was growing up. But I’m here, and I’m doing my best every single day.